I'm fine at information gathering in some situations. All my memories are basically murder investigations, you know. I'm just not good at lying. Or... delicately questioning.
And what exactly are "actionable things"? I don't want to be the person who just waits around until there's a bunch of demons to kill.
...Well, that I believe. That was part of my plan, initially. To be someone they didn't think to worry about doing anything important... until it was too late.
Part of the plan was not talking about the plan at all and doing it by myself, to make completely sure it was off the radar. But that didn't really work out, since then I didn't get told anything about what was going on, and I do need some information to figure out an approach.
...And either way, now I'm probably too involved with you to be totally ignored.
...It clearly wasn't. I mean, look at what happened when we were going gray.
A was in contact with Exael, and talked to other people who were, and so he knew that it was her who'd told them it was a result of not playing our roles properly. When they announced it to everyone on Dissonance, they didn't say where it came from, so I thought that was just a theory and no one actually knew what was going on.
And of course, Joker knew Anubis had summoned a demon. So he got his and Nine Nine's help when he tried to summon Asmodeus. I didn't even know that was a thing you could do.
I don't know what I would have done if I'd known all of that. But there were definitely plenty of things I couldn't even consider.
And then there was C, telling people about graduation and then about Exael messing with the protection game based on who he felt like telling. I did hear about that, but I could just as easily not have. You don't think that could possibly be useful information to make some kind of plan?
[sighs, trying to release some of her annoyance]
...Look, just don't act like everything important is freely available. It's fine that you all keep some information on a need-to-know basis. That's reasonable. But it means I can't make a plan no one knows about, because if no one knows I'm making a plan, apparently no one thinks I "need to know."
...I'm not completely incompetent, you know. It's not like I ever planned to just do nothing for and offer nothing to anyone else. I can gather information fine if I have anywhere to gather it from.
This has nothing to do with competency. Stop putting words in my mouth.
This has to do with the fact that you are surprised and hurt that people wouldn't tell you anything when at the time, you also were not telling people anything by design.
And you do so selectively. I also knew Exael's number. And when my brain wasn't leaking out of my ears - that the intel in Dissonance also came from Exael, and I didn't tell you. Are you upset at me too about that?
I wasn't telling people that I planned to act against the producers when I had a chance, or that I was making preparations for various things, because that could tip the producers off, and my plans were based around the element of surprise! If I had access to important information about what was going on in this place, I wouldn't just keep it to myself! And if I told anyone, I would definitely tell the people important to me! I just didn't have any of that information!
[fumes quietly for a moment]
...Yes, I was upset. Because it was upsetting when I was turning gray, losing all my memories, and terrified! I had no idea what was going on, no recourse to look to, and no idea what I could possibly do. And it was more upsetting to know that all my most important people did have those things, and left me in the dark.
I am upset at you too. Or, I was. And it does has to do with competence, because you clearly didn't trust me or think I could have done anything productive with the information, or you would have told me. Maybe that's my fault for not demonstrating I could, or that I was trustworthy. But that still upset me.
I'm just listening to what you're saying! Just now you implied I wasn't bringing anything to the table! I've been here the whole time, I have plenty of my own thoughts about what's happening, I have skills and abilities, and I'm willing to do whatever's necessary. I've told you what I know, I've tried to brainstorm, I've offered help. How is that nothing, unless you think I'm incapable of coming up with good ideas or doing anything useful?
Sure, I'm going to have less information to give you than someone who has Exael on speed dial. But that's not because "information gathering isn't my forte," or because I was "not telling people anything by design." Do I need to randomly commit suicide or summon a demon or jump into an abyss to learn something big before I'm allowed to know what's going on? Because I can do that, but I'd assumed you'd prefer if I didn't do anything incredibly stupid!!
I don't want you to do anything stupid. You have that much right. As for the rest---
My problem isn't with your capabilities. Or even really a matter of trust. Not really.
It's your motivation.
You never really cared about staying in the loop in the beginning outside of showing up to the meetings everyone showed up to. You never donated points to the cause. If you had, maybe you would have been the one with Exael on speed dial - that's how she picked who got to visit her, you know.
And even now when you talk about it, you talk more about desiring a mutual partnership than the actual end goal.
That's not how I operate.
I work closest to those who have the same end goal as I do. Who will prioritize that goal over everything. Their relationships. Their teams. Their feelings. All of it.
If it came down to successfully completing a critical mission versus abandoning someone you care about, would you be able to choose the former over the latter? I'd choose the first every time without hesitation.
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Which is also why we need good liars on our side.
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Is that a problem?
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You'll probably feel more useful once we have actionable things that we can do.
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I'm fine at information gathering in some situations. All my memories are basically murder investigations, you know. I'm just not good at lying. Or... delicately questioning.
And what exactly are "actionable things"? I don't want to be the person who just waits around until there's a bunch of demons to kill.
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You have good spatial awareness and could probably get into a lot of places unnoticed. If there was something worth breaking into around here anyway.
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Or at least things we can do our friends upstairs won't think twice about.
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...And either way, now I'm probably too involved with you to be totally ignored.
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A was in contact with Exael, and talked to other people who were, and so he knew that it was her who'd told them it was a result of not playing our roles properly. When they announced it to everyone on Dissonance, they didn't say where it came from, so I thought that was just a theory and no one actually knew what was going on.
And of course, Joker knew Anubis had summoned a demon. So he got his and Nine Nine's help when he tried to summon Asmodeus. I didn't even know that was a thing you could do.
I don't know what I would have done if I'd known all of that. But there were definitely plenty of things I couldn't even consider.
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That's what I did!
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[flat, not amused.]
And then there was C, telling people about graduation and then about Exael messing with the protection game based on who he felt like telling. I did hear about that, but I could just as easily not have. You don't think that could possibly be useful information to make some kind of plan?
[sighs, trying to release some of her annoyance]
...Look, just don't act like everything important is freely available. It's fine that you all keep some information on a need-to-know basis. That's reasonable. But it means I can't make a plan no one knows about, because if no one knows I'm making a plan, apparently no one thinks I "need to know."
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Am I supposed to just trust you'll do the right thing?
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That's why I told you my plan changed.
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You have to bring something to the table.
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This has to do with the fact that you are surprised and hurt that people wouldn't tell you anything when at the time, you also were not telling people anything by design.
And you do so selectively. I also knew Exael's number. And when my brain wasn't leaking out of my ears - that the intel in Dissonance also came from Exael, and I didn't tell you. Are you upset at me too about that?
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[fumes quietly for a moment]
...Yes, I was upset. Because it was upsetting when I was turning gray, losing all my memories, and terrified! I had no idea what was going on, no recourse to look to, and no idea what I could possibly do. And it was more upsetting to know that all my most important people did have those things, and left me in the dark.
I am upset at you too. Or, I was. And it does has to do with competence, because you clearly didn't trust me or think I could have done anything productive with the information, or you would have told me. Maybe that's my fault for not demonstrating I could, or that I was trustworthy. But that still upset me.
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Sure, I'm going to have less information to give you than someone who has Exael on speed dial. But that's not because "information gathering isn't my forte," or because I was "not telling people anything by design." Do I need to randomly commit suicide or summon a demon or jump into an abyss to learn something big before I'm allowed to know what's going on? Because I can do that, but I'd assumed you'd prefer if I didn't do anything incredibly stupid!!
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My problem isn't with your capabilities. Or even really a matter of trust. Not really.
It's your motivation.
You never really cared about staying in the loop in the beginning outside of showing up to the meetings everyone showed up to. You never donated points to the cause. If you had, maybe you would have been the one with Exael on speed dial - that's how she picked who got to visit her, you know.
And even now when you talk about it, you talk more about desiring a mutual partnership than the actual end goal.
That's not how I operate.
I work closest to those who have the same end goal as I do. Who will prioritize that goal over everything. Their relationships. Their teams. Their feelings. All of it.
If it came down to successfully completing a critical mission versus abandoning someone you care about, would you be able to choose the former over the latter? I'd choose the first every time without hesitation.
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