bluescreenwhitedragon

Do you think caring more about Lucifel would have stopped what happened at the trial? Do you think caring more about your new dumb kid would have stopped him from killing Doodleman?

It's not like they didn't know what they were doing.

If... I'd been able to understand them better-- if I'd known how to reach out to them, maybe things would have been different...

[trails off.

it sounds weak even to him.]

Did they "see the light" after your explained things to them?

I-- no, but... that was afterwards, and...

[...]

... if it's because I didn't try hard enough, then at least it's something I theoretically could have control over.

If what world do you have control over other people's stupidity?!

I didn't say it's logical, okay?!

Why would you---

[Huffs]

I am this close to quoting the definition of insanity at you, Anubis!

[And be the biggest hypocrite in the world because of it]

I want to believe in people and I want... I want to have some feeling of control over things! Because if it's my fault, then eventually I can get better at it and it'll stop happening! But if it's not my fault, then I'm just... helpless!

Name one person if you have helped.

And if you say no one, I swear to---

[Waitaminute]

And if you say no one, we both know that that's a fucking lie.

[mmf.]

That's not-- I mean, it's hard to...

[[ooc: Minus the first 'if'. Oof me and my typos]]

It's hard to what? Finish your damn sentence!

It's hard to evaluate my own effect on people! It feels presumptuous to just go, "oh, I definitely helped this person."

You, Cobalt, and Nine-Nine helped me, didn't you?

Helping with assisted suicide isn't exactly...

[but he's quiet for a moment, looking thoughtful.]

I... like I said, I know it's not... logical. Looking at it objectively, I have to have helped people. But my failures stand out more than my successes. To me.

What about contacting the Shop Keeper? Or keeping Nine-Nine on a leash? Or healing people after every game even if they're assholes about it?

Has any of that really mattered in the long run?

Just as much as trying to "save" people who have no interest in being saved for your own personal sense of accomplishment.

... so not at all.

Then... what's the point of anything?

Anubis! Can you really not see the fucking difference between the two?

I don't know! I just... I want to be able to make things better! And if nothing does that...!

Then what? You give up?

[he's quiet for a long moment. then he shakes his head.]

... sometimes I want to. I really, really want to. I won't. But it hurts, you know...?

Being the underdog is never pleasant. That's not going to change.

But what you're asking for is an impossibility. Revolutions and uprisings are not built on the backs of people linking arms and fighting with good will and faith in others as weapons. They're bloody. They're messy. And they almost always involve a sacrifice of equivalent value when it's all said and done.

Your ideal community will never come to pass when the rules of engagement specifically exist to create the opposite environment. So your choices are limited. You can minimize your scope. Bend your ideals. Break. Or continue living in your fantasy land.

And that is within your power to choose.

It's not-- I'm not asking for a bloodless revolution. There can't be a revolution in the first place if people aren't working together! That's the problem!

The people who are smart enough to understand the situation are working together. Is that not enough for you?

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